


A life with you is the life I want

by Silly_writer



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, First Kiss, Lilith cries but it's mostly happy tears, Poetry, Soulmates, They've been through a lot but they'll be okay, and a bit of angst, but like romantic smut, just a lot of fluff, marith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:21:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silly_writer/pseuds/Silly_writer
Summary: "When her stare lingers on the demoness, Mary forgets she is the First Woman, a demon, the Queen of Hell. She just sees another person, towards which she is drawn with a chilling force; an undeniable pull, that she still can’t completely explain."A collection of Marith one-shots, from their first times to their life together.
Relationships: Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith/Original Mary Wardwell
Comments: 15
Kudos: 19





	1. When I knew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my favourite goober](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+favourite+goober).



\- Lilith, what are we doing?

The demoness turns around, lips pursed absentmindedly. 

\- Hmmm?

Mary’s voice is soft, almost a whisper, when after a few seconds she dares asking the question again. 

\- What are we doing?

Lilith looks away suddenly, eyes pacing across the room. They stay in this quiet stillness for an instant, both conscious of it being the end of something. A lump of anxiety blossoms in Mary’s chest, as she waits for the demoness to answer. 

\- We’re sitting in your living room, having drinks. Chatting. 

The demoness’ eyes meet Mary’s as the last syllable slips off her tongue, and all the nonchalance she was trying to foment in her gaze vanishes into thin air. She looks away again, her glance down on the floor this time. 

\- That’s not… 

\- I know. 

Mary shivers at that, swept away by a wave of unknown emotions. She has been feeling so much since the demoness came into her life, a few long months ago. It had all started with this shock, this horrible fear that crept up her throat one Sunday afternoon upon seeing her doppelganger, casually sipping a milkshake at Dr. Cerberus’. The terror that followed, as she felt a presence behind her in the woods, when she jumped at a familiar voice, and when she stood there, curiosity getting the better of her, to listen to what the woman had to say. To cry at her words. Then there had been an apology, and a long conversation. Weeks of silence, filled with thoughts of her. A surprise visit on a lonely night. 

One, two, three evenings of casual drinks and lounging on the couch, soon becoming regular, then ritual. In the demoness’ weirdly calming presence, Mary had confessed things she thought she would never tell anyone. In the same way, Lilith had revealed chapters of her past, the history of many scars, though not even half of all she has been through. Despite her relative ignorance, Mary feels, in some secret corner of herself, that she knows Lilith more than anyone else in the whole world, and more than Lilith thinks she does.

Tonight, they are sitting almost at opposite corners of the somewhat small living room; Lilith on the couch and Mary on the floor, legs folded under her, next to the cracking fire. They usually sat just next to each other, sometimes so close that their hands brushed. It had happened more than once, and they both pulled away too quickly, yet none of the two had dared addressing it. When her stare lingers on the demoness, Mary forgets she is the First Woman, a demon, the Queen of Hell. She just sees another person, towards which she is drawn with a chilling force; an undeniable pull, that she still can’t completely explain. 

\- Please, say something. 

Mary plays with her fingers nervously, throat dry. She can’t be the one doing all the talking, not anymore. 

\- I… I don’t know. 

Lilith looks at her again, and she seems terrified, much more vulnerable that Mary has ever seen her be — probably much more than she wants to be too. There is no doubt of the sincereness of her answer now that most of her walls are down, leaving just a veil of composure, a vain effort to keep her voice steady, a few blinks to repel the gathering tears. 

\- Mary, I’ve never… I mean, I didn’t want, well I didn’t mean to… 

The demoness startles at the feeling of Mary’s cold fingers on the back of her hand, as the woman sits next to her on the couch. She tries speaking up again, tries finding the words but they stubbornly stay blurred in her mind. She is not used to talking about those things, even less feel them. But when Mary turns her hand around delicately, pressing their palms as she intertwines their fingers, a little bit of tension seems to slip away from her body, and she sighs. Surprising herself, she takes Mary’s other hand and does the same. 

\- I can’t… I know that’s what you’re asking but I don’t… I don’t know how I feel. 

The last word comes out almost in a sob, and Mary’s eyes tear up slightly too. Lilith hates herself in that moment, hates that she is stuttering, losing her train of thought, sounding so pathetic and feeling so minuscule, so ridiculous under the eyes of the one person she really cares about. Looking away, the demoness can't see that although Mary’s glance is full of so many things, so many feelings, none of those come close to judgment. She speaks again, in the same soft voice, only slightly more assured now. 

\- What do you _wan_ _t_?

And the word itself sends a bolt of confusion up Lilith’s chest, taking her aback. The realization dawns upon her: no one, in her thousand years of life, ever asked her that. Not in that way, at least. 

\- It’s okay, just try to tell me. 

Mary doesn’t know why she is so confident all of sudden, where this bulge of courage comes from. Maybe it’s this strange pull again, more powerful than her shyness or her pride, that is almost forcing the words out of her mouth. Maybe it’s just the moment in itself, and all that boldness will vanish once it ends. For now, she stays right there in front of Lilith, runs her thumb on her hand waiting for an answer, _the_ answer.

\- Can I kiss you?

Mary chuckles, somehow astonished by the demoness’ words, which she thought would be more evasive. That was not all the reaction that the demoness expected, but once the initial surprise wears off, she finds herself smiling softly, waiting for the woman to look into her eyes again. When she does, a certain gravity seems to shroud the both of them, as they stare in silence. 

\- Of course. 

_Of course you can, it’s all I’ve been waiting for._

\- Right now?

Mary chuckles again, nodding as she leans forward and waits for the demoness to do the same. She finally does after a second, stopping when their lips are only brushing. Her sigh in her mouth sends a shiver down Mary’s spine. When Lilith closes the gap, like the sealing of an oath, every last drop of air seems to be sucked from her lungs, her throat tightening in an almost scary way. And when the last barrier breaks, the emotions can’t be pushed down anymore; she moans softly against the other woman’s lips. Neither of them could say how much time they stayed there, dizzy with the moment, before they both gently pulled away. Mary smiles, with a soft humming sound of contentment and relief. 

\- I’ve wanted this for so long. 

Lilith’s voice, tender than ever before, brings a flutter to Mary’s stomach. She smiles stupidly, in awe: this is all true, she didn’t make this up in her head, those looks they shared, and those sparks that seemed to crackle anytime they got too close. All this time, Lilith was feeling it too. 

\- Why didn’t you do it before tonight?

She is whispering, and placing some dark strands behind the demoness’ ear; so much affection in every one of her gestures, so much lightness. Lilith lets the word slip out, for once not overthinking them. 

\- I think I was scared. 

\- Am I scary?

Mary giggles as she says it, still mesmerized by the sudden turn of events. But she stops suddenly when the demoness’ faint smile turns into a certain uneasiness, as if she suddenly got scared of saying too much, perhaps even of scaring her away. 

\- No, I mean scared of… of breaking you. 

The words are scratching into a sensitive spot, but Mary isn’t surprised either. They both fell and stood up time and time again, just as they both lead quite unhappy lives before the last few months. And even that new happiness doesn’t erase the scars. Maybe, just maybe, it will one day. 

\- Would you believe me if I said I thought the same?

Lilith nods, her eyes filling with tears once again. Mary looks at her, their faces still so close. The woman's eyes are closed, in shame it seems. Mary wishes she could find something to say to appease her. “It will be okay” won’t do, she won’t really believe it. And Mary has never been good with this stuff, so she stays silent. 

Before she realises what is happening, Lilith is rushing on her lips, almost brutally this time, and there it goes again, this addictive feeling coursing through her whole body. The kiss is eager, desperate even; an embrace fitting for two people that see each other for the very last time. When they part, Mary sees that Lilith is crying now. 

\- It’s okay… 

It’s not much, but Mary says it anyway. 

\- I’m here. 

Both her hands come up to cup Lilith’s face, and she brushes the tears away with her thumbs. They don’t stop streaming down, but at least they don’t pour as frantically after a while, and Mary lays her forehead against Lilith’s, grounding the both of them into the moment. They are alone together, in Mary’s cottage, next to the fire, at 9 PM on a normal Tuesday. No one there to hurt them, no demons and no Lucifer and no nightmares. Just Mary and Lilith, and a myriad of other moments ahead of them.

\- I’m staying right here. 

A few minutes of silence later, when Lilith has calmed down, she stares at Mary, who with impressive, even slightly comical focus traces the features of her face : the tip of a finger down her nose, swirling around her cheek, following the line of her brow, before slipping all the way down to her jaw. The tingly feeling on her skin makes Lilith smile. 

\- What did I do to deserve you Mary Wardwell… 

Mary stops in her movement, her eyes piercing Lilith’s deeply; the demoness has never seen her so determined, so sure. 

\- You took me as I am, Lili. 

It’s the first time Mary calls her that, though far from the one time she thought of doing it. She stares right into the woman’s eyes, that woman that won’t believe how incredible she is, how much of a _beautiful_ person she is.

\- Now I’d be honored if you let me do the same. 

Lilith nods, breathing heavily in a desperate attempt not to cry again. 

\- Hold me…

Her voice comes out barely a whisper, so afraid that she is of asking even the smallest thing, but in this instant Mary would have done anything she asked her to, without a single question. They carefully lay down on the couch, Mary slipping behind her and wrapping her arms around Lilith. 

\- Like that?

\- Hm, hm. 

A few more tears run down, but hopefully Mary can’t see them. Soon, the demoness closes her eyes, letting out heavy sighs; she is falling asleep. In, out; Mary tries to synchronise her breathing with Lilith’s, noise buried in her hair, a warm feeling invading her at every whiff of her scent. She forgets the discomfort of her crooked glasses and her too tight sweater, and tightens her embrace. Eyes half-shut, and herself drifting towards a blissful slumber, she remembers so many things from the last few weeks, that now all seem to make perfect sense. 

_“I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore”_

That’s what Lilith said the first time they talked. Now Mary would like to tell her the same. In fact, there are still a million words that they haven’t told each other yet, some she craves to let out, and others she isn’t sure she is ready for yet. Though deep down she feels the time for doubt and uncertainty is coming to an end; not a brutal one, but a natural, meek shift. 

Suddenly, Lilith turns around, and Mary has to catch her so she won’t fall out of the couch. When Mary looks up at the woman’s face, she lands upon closed eyes, and a peaceful expression; Lilith is still soundly asleep. Mary drapes her leg over the woman’s form, though keeping a small distance between the two of them, so their faces are a few inches apart. It’s a strange yet precious feeling, to look at someone who doesn’t know they are being watched. 

_I hear you, waves crashing_

_In, out, slowly slowly,_

_Out of your mouth and into your nose, slippery air_

_That I'd swallow to get a taste of what it feels like_

_To caress you from the inside_

_Waves crashing from your parted lips to my cheek_

_Carrying gigantic promises and words you’d think_

_I’d forgotten_

_Whispers of a thousand years, a few months, of us_

_Even in your sleep you keep promising me_

_There’s always this moment, I think, where you decide_

_Or you think you decide_

_I want it to be now_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, I'm ridiculously soft.


	2. I have wanted this for so long

Mary has been in love with Lilith for 4 months, and that’s just from when she decided to start counting. It is, as ridiculous as it sounds, like in the poems and the songs, the woman never leaves her mind, neither do they really leave each other. Even when they aren’t together, Mary _feels_ Lilith, this constant, calming presence, sometimes overwhelming her without explanation. As if she is thinking about her, from wherever she is. It is such an unfamiliar feeling; not just to be in love, but to be so _connected_. 

  * Mary? 



The woman rolls her head back to look at Lilith. 

  * Hm?



A soft smile invades the demoness’ lips at the sight of the still sleepy face; a face that, in truth, brings a smile to her own every time. 

  * Do you really have to go to work today?



Mary closes her eyes back again. She could call Baxter High and pretend to be sick… When she opens them again, she looks at Lilith with a mischievous smirk. 

  * I guess I could stay at home… But what is in it for me?



Running her fingers tenderly up and down the woman’s arm, Lilith smiles back. They shift on the bed, so that they are now facing each other, Mary partly on top, an arm and a leg draped over the demoness. 

  * Well first, you don’t take enough days off… 



Mary chuckles. It’s true. 

  * And second… 



She squints her eyes in deep thought, before raising her eyebrows in a shrug. 

  * It’s too early for me to think of anything else than the fact that I want to spend the entire day with you… 



She takes Mary in her arms, pulling her closer effortlessly so she is now fully on top of her. Mary surrenders to the movement and melts even more unto Lilith’s body, her head resting in the crook of her neck. 

  * In that bed. 



Mary smiles against the other woman’s skin. She loves that slightly raspy voice she has when she just woke up. 

  * I guess that means I have to get up and call. 



She lets out a weak groan at the prospect. She doesn’t want to leave the other woman’s embrace, not even for a second. 

  * Who said anything about getting up?



Mary props herself up on her elbows, frowning in confusion before she sees Lilith snapping her fingers with a proud smirk. 

  * Mrs Meeks is writing down your absence due to an upset stomach as we speak. 



Mary giggles softly, burying her face in the crease of Lilith’s shoulder once more. Sometimes, she forgets magic even exists, maybe because Lilith doesn’t seem to act like a witch, even less the Queen of Hell, in her presence. She acts like herself, a person, a being, and yes all of those things are parts of her, but they don’t define her like they did before. She defines herself now, and to see that whole eclosion before her eyes makes Mary feel so special, so privileged. So proud too. 

Now Lilith is holding her tighter, her chest still raising in faint laughter, as she draws mindless patterns on the woman’s back, nails scratching softly through the fabric of the nightgown, just enough to raise goosebumps on Mary’s skin. The woman lets herself be held, and sighs heavily. The air on her neck makes Lilith smile, but then the feeling of Mary’s lips closing around a patch of skin brings a surprised gasp out of her mouth. 

Mary had a sudden urge to taste her, and decided for once not to resist it. It's not that they haven’t done anything like that before; they shared their load of passionate kisses, and a bit more, lips traveling on necks and shoulders, hands roaming on clothed skin, and a few times exploring further. They know each other’s bodies very well already, in a way; so used to sleep fused to the other. They have been spending nights together for months now, with many mornings of cuddling and dawdling about in bed, like this one. Maybe Lilith shouldn’t be surprised, shouldn’t think anything of it, this sudden eagerness of Mary’s. It’s just that this time, it feels like it could lead further. 

The woman abruptly pulls back and their gazes lock, blue eyes into blue eyes. They both feel where this is heading. Mary smiles shyly, making Lilith’s heart clench. She looks a bit scared, but there is also determination in her eyes. She wants this, just as Lilith does. 

  * Should we?



Lilith chuckles, then nods.

  * If you want to. 
  * But do you want to?



Mary’s stare is deep, her face serious, waiting for the answer to a question she asks too often. Though now it couldn’t be more of an appropriate time to ask it. The demoness stares back. 

  * Yes.



Lilith sits back up, pulling Mary with her so that she now straddles her, with her hands resting on her shoulders. Lilith puts a strand of hair behind Mary’s ear, leaning forward to leave a kiss just there, but Mary interrupts her with a shaky whisper. 

  * Promise me… 
  * I promise. 



Mary rolls her eyes and lets out a little laugh. 

  * You don’t even know what I’m asking you to promise yet!



Lilith smiles tenderly, a spark of mischief mixed into the profound sincerity of her glance. 

  * Anything, I promise. 



Mary is suddenly serious again, and even seems to hesitate a few seconds before enunciating her wish. 

  * Promise me you’ll tell me what you want. And what you don't want, too. 



Lilith nods, but Mary continues. 

  * I want you there _in_ that moment, in every way. Living it with me. But for that you have to promise to let go of the rest. 



Her words are somewhat nebulous, but Lilith thinks she understands. 

  * That’s a lot of promises Miss Wardwell… 



She lifts an eyebrow maliciously, and though it makes Mary smile, she also perfectly senses the woman’s discomfort hidden under the playfulness. She answers, almost solemnly. 

  * I know. 



The demoness pulls at her waist to get her a little closer, hands sliding up her back as she looks up to her eyes. 

  * Only if you promise the same. 
  * I do. 



She may be feeling frightened and incredibly shy, in a way she usually isn’t, that’s an oath Lilith wouldn’t dare breaking. She doesn’t repeat after Mary, but she knows that by her gaze alone the woman will understand. 

  * I love you. 



They say it all the time, they have said it a million times before today, from the first moments, maybe too soon, and now they say it all day every day, like crazy people, like fools, getting drunk with the words. And it feels like nobody could possibly understand, which probably is what all lovers think, consciously or not. “Our love is one of the greats”, thinks Lilith. It’s a childish thought, but she can’t shake it away. 

Mary tilts her head down, just as Lilith soars forward, and their lips meet. It sends a bolt of energy into Mary’s body, a bit like the first time, settling in her whole chest. It hurts in a way, this pressure; it’s an ache, but a good one. It tugs every time they part, and burns at every touch. Lilith’s hands slide down her sides, grabbing her hips and pulling closer, closer; that seems to be all she wants, to have her as close as she can. And Mary couldn’t protest. 

She feels she might stop breathing, as the kiss gets deeper, heated. Lilith’s tongue is invasive in the best of ways, and Mary moans, keeping their mouths sealed so tight she is getting dizzy. 

  * I love you. 



Her lips slip down to the woman’s neck again, and she brushes them on already sore spots, the same she tasted earlier. Lilith shivers, a hand tangling into Mary’s loose hair, pulling slightly. Mary squirms at the new sensation, her mouth now frankly open against the woman’s skin, licking and kissing, teeths sinking, attentive of every shudder and every gasp. Under her, she feels the demoness bucking her hips, and Mary realises she too is getting impatient. She pulls away and looks into the woman’s eyes, smirking. 

Suddenly, she removes her nightgown in one blunt movement, her stare only leaving Lilith’s for a second. She lets out a shaky breath, feeling the fresh air on her skin acutely now that she is left in only her panties The woman leans back on the headboard, pupils blown wide. She takes in the sight, in awe, one hand sliding up to cup her breasts as she leans forward to kiss Mary again; a soft, almost chaste peck on the lips. It feels like a thank you, and yet another promise. 

Mary arches her back and pushes herself into the demoness’ touch, feeling her nipple harden even more at the contact of her palm. Her eyes closed instinctively, so now Lilith can let her own eyes roam freely, carving the picture in her mind as if it is the last time she will ever see it. She feels it in every moment shared with her, this urgency. She tries fighting against it sometimes, but mostly in vain. 

  * Can I take yours off too?
  * Yes. 



Lilith lifts her arms up as Mary pulls the nightgown off. They struggle when a shoulder strap gets caught into Lilith’s hand, making the both of them laugh softly. The demoness suddenly looks so shy, keeping her own body closer to Mary’s, as if she didn’t want the woman to see her. She looks up, in her eyes a clear breach, making her seem so brittle, small. Mary would like to hold her in the palm of her hand, to wrap her whole self around her. The demoness stares, so _wide open_ and Mary smiles warmly, letting a hand wander down Lilith’s chest. 

  * Well, my love, not only have I seen it all… 



She chuckles, so does Lilith. They sort of forget they have the same body sometimes. 

  * I also do find it particularly exquisite on you. 



As she speaks, she pulls Lilith gently by the hips to make her lay down, and the woman helps her, settling comfortably under her. She immediately lifts her head up for a kiss, but Mary pushes her down, sitting on her stomach. She looks down at the woman she loves, her ribs pointing out as she takes in a big breath, stomach curving graciously as she lets it out in a sigh. So _fucking_ beautiful. 

  * Lilith… 



Mary lays down on top of her, their two bodies now pressed together, skin to skin; such a simple thing, yet it feels like nothing, nothing in the whole world could compare. They could stay there forever. Slow, deep, another kiss lingers. The lovers take their time, exploring each other, Lilith’s hand traveling down the curves of Mary’s body, before squeezing her ass softly. Mary whimpers, then smiles against the woman’s lips. Lilith lets words fall out of her mouth between kisses. 

  * It is quite… nice… on you too. 
  * What?



Mary’s breath is short and hot in Lilith’s mouth, almost making her forget what she was talking about. She is tempted to get lost in their embrace again, but she also wants to say those words to Mary, so she pulls away for a second. 

  * This body of ours.



Mary bites the inside of her cheek, tilting her head to the side. 

  * Only quite nice huh?
  * Perfect. 



For a few other minutes, the two women stay there, kissing, Mary on top, and still not fully naked. Lilith _wants_ to feel Mary whole, wants to do so many things, but she stays there, in this moment that still feels safe, not too out of her comfort zone. 

Her mind drifts off to a few times before ; with Lucifer first, heavenly in the beginning, then carving deeper and deeper lines of shame, for centuries; with that one woman, a blissful misstep, that she ran away from quick so he couldn’t find her; with Adam, sweet but not hers to have, and not the one she had been looking for either. Now she found her, and this moment means something more. She suddenly feels the need to say it. 

  * You know, I… I haven’t done this a lot. 



Mary is a bit surprised, but tries not to show it. They haven’t talked too much about that, both too shy to ask or even bring up the topic. Though Lilith knows the essential, and it makes Mary laugh that she would even be insecure considering her own situation. 

  * I haven’t done this at all. 
  * I know, I know. I just don’t want you to think… Well, I mean, I can’t really take the lead or… 



Mary takes her hand and intertwines their fingers to calm her down, her other hand coming up to caress the woman’s cheek. 

  * We’ll just figure it out together. 



Lilith closes her eyes for a second, a smile invading her lips. When she opens them up again, they are slightly damp with tears. 

  * I love that. 



The intensity of the woman’s gaze takes Mary’s breath away, and she almost forgets what she just said. 

  * What? 
  * Figuring it out together. 



Mary melts unto Lilith again, mouths and bodies sealed for another instant. They stay still, and nothing moves around them. Then Mary’s hands wander, and Lilith’s too, their mouths shifting, opening, closing again around a damp lip, never really parting. For once in their lives, neither of them anchor their mind in thoughts. They let the moment slide. 

Sometimes when they are together, and the moment is benevolent, it’s as if two strings intertwined and pulsed, a direct link that couldn’t lie, and each of their gestures, each of their words feel natural, meant to be. They can be clumsy, shy, blunt or silly, they feel right. Now is one of those moments, maybe the strongest so far. For the first time in her life, Mary feels like nothing she could do would be wrong. 

She kisses Lilith again, before sitting back up and running her thumb along the edge of her panties.

  * May I?
  * You may. 



Mary slides the underwear down the woman’s legs, throwing it next to the bed, before doing the same with hers, When she turns back to Lilith, the blazing lust in her eyes seems to travel all the way down her body, settling a warmth in her lower abdomen. 

  * Come here… 



She lays down on top of her once more, adjusting herself so she can feel the woman’s wetness against her own. She kisses her, pushing her mouth on hers as if to pin her ever more into the bed, as she starts grinding her hips. Lilith soon follows the movement, gasping when their flesh meets in particularly convenient ways, once every few thrusts. Mary lets out a low, uncharacteristic groan and buries her face in Lilith’s neck. The demoness explores the skin that is now offered to her keen lips, sucking a sensitive spot just at the edge of Mary’s jaw. Her fingers frantically run up and down her back, just to where the curve starts to rise, then back up to her shoulders. She plunges her nails into the shoulder blade, just a bit. 

Mary purrs at all the attention, her own lips clumsily finding Lilith’s skin. They continue rutting against the other, almost in a desperate motion. The friction is far from enough, but both women were so hungry for the other, they cling to this first contact for a while, enjoying a moment that won’t ever come back. 

Their mouths find their way to the other's again, and they hum in unison. Their movement settles at a much mellower pace, the kiss seemingly slowing everything down, even time maybe, enough for Mary to slip a hand down Lilith’s body. When her fingers meet her slick folds, the woman gasps loudly. 

  * Is this ok?



Lilith nods sharply, twice, but Mary’s hand stays still and her eyes insist. 

  * Yes. Don’t stop. 



Slowly, Mary lets her fingers start to explore, settling a rhythm of slow, pressured strokes, soon feeling the woman’s swollen clit under her touch. This alone, just the feeling of the woman against her hand, makes Mary’s breathing get heavier, and her heart pound louder. 

Her glance is locked into Lilith’s, when the woman’s eyes don’t flutter shut. Maybe she would like her to look away, maybe it's one of the reasons why a slight blush is creeping up her cheeks, but Mary can’t help staring. Every little thing, the twitch of an eyebrow, the way her bottom lips trembles, the contained moans turning into high-pitched humming sounds; she observes, enthralled, and registers all of it in a corner of her brain. Again, Lilith swallows back a sound that could have rolled off her tongue. 

  * Don’t try to be silent. Please. 



Lilith hums, eyes closed permanently now, as Mary feels her getting more and more tense. Looking down at her lover, Mary thinks that she wants to make her feel so many things, so good, and she isn't used to taking the lead, in almost every aspect of life, but right now there doesn't seem to be anything stopping her, not even fear, or at least not one stronger than her desire. She leans to Lilith's ear. 

  * What do you want me to do to you?



The demoness whimpers, and Mary slows down her ministrations to let her answer. Lilith lets out a disgruntled whine before answering. 

  * I… I want your mouth. On me. Please. 



Mary’s expression sways between a smile and voracious parted lips. She hoped she would say that. Before obliging, she brings her hand to her mouth, and licks the fingers coated in Lilith. The taste, new and delicious, overwhelms her, and she closes her eyes. She can’t see the demoness’ face at the sight, fascinated desire painted all over it. Even before she opens her eyes, Mary is pulled by the neck into an intense kiss, in which Lilith lets out her first full-bodied moan. When they part, breathless, Mary looks down at Lilith with a worried look. 

  * You know, I probably won’t be very good. 



The demoness rubs her hand against the back of the woman’s neck, a tender touch meant to reassure her. 

  * My love, you could do pretty much anything down there, I’ll die just knowing it’s you doing those things to me… 
  * Well, I’d prefer you don’t die, but as you wish. 



Lilith laughs, rolling her eyes. The mood is very different, suddenly, but Mary doesn’t find it either strange or unpleasant. 

  * Silly. 



Mary smiles at her, faintly, before letting out a shaky, nervous sigh, that she muffles against Lilith’s chest. She lets her mouth glide down, dragging her lips across her sternum, down to just above her belly button. She presses a soft kiss there, and looks up. 

Lilith has her head slightly thrown back, eyes closed. The woman’s breasts are there, offered, and Mary takes them; one in her mouth, the other in her hand. She swirls her tongue around a nipple, pinches the other slightly, and Lilith arches her back, a weak moan escaping her parted lips. Mary looks up at her again, attentive to her every reaction, and is surprised to find the woman looking down at her. She takes the other nipple in her mouth, sucking on it without breaking the stare, but Lilith does, washed away by the feeling, both the physical effect and the concrete thought of having Mary taking care of her like that. 

Mary tries pinching a little harder, and the sound Lilith lets slip out prompts her to do it again, and again, until the woman is writhing under her touch. Just then, she finally lets her mouth travel the last patch of skin, leaving a few kisses here and there, before settling between the woman's legs.

She suddenly feels a rush of nervousness, a lump climbing up her throat, her fingers shaking slightly. But at the same time, and equally strong, there is this want, deeper than any other desires Mary ever had. Not only does she want this, but she wants _her_ She wants Lilith, so intensely it almost hurts. 

  * Hmmm… 



She presses an open mouth kiss right where Lilith wants her, breathing in her scent, and closes her eyes to better enjoy it. Another moment that won’t be coming back. She lets her lips linger on the inside of the woman’s right thigh, and can’t resist the urge to look at her face again. When she does, glance sliding over familiar features and eyes shut tight, she breathes in a shiver of wonder. 

That’s it, that’s what they are: pure. Beyond everything else, her feelings for Lilith are pure, unscathed by the harshness of the world, by other’s eyes, by her own fear and insecurities. Even when she obsesses over details, when she doubts or when she worries, not one of those things leaves a single spot on the immaculate slate of her love for Lilith; and that kind of love feels like it can never break, or evaporate, despite the hardships, and despite time. 

Lilith suddenly looks up, wondering why Mary is making her wait so long after this first touch. 

  * What is it?



Mary smiles, and shakes her head. 

  * Nothing my love. 



_I have wanted this for so long_

  * I love you. 
  * I… 



Mary’s tongue slides through, somehow both avid and hesitant, in deliciously slow circles, and Lilith moans. It seems to resonate in the quiet room, piercing through a few other hushed sounds; an occasional brustle of the sheets, heavy breaths, wet sounds that when they reach Mary’s ear go down straight to her core. 

  * Is this good?
  * Yes, yes, please don… 



Lilith doesn’t have to beg, Mary continues, now pressed against her fully and sucking lightly on her bundle of nerves. The woman’s flesh is soft and warm in Mary’s mouth, and she hums, the vibration bringing a gasp out of Lilith. Mary tries dipping down to her entrance, laps up some of the woman’s wetness, and smiles to herself when Lilith’s hip buck against her. She reaches up and grabs her hand, which Lilith squeezes tightly. 

The demoness has her eyes closed permanently now, the sensations too strong for her to focus on anything else. There is a long moment of stillness, nothing seemingly moving around them, the world coming to a stop as Mary eagerly goes on, and Lilith takes in the pleasure, takes, takes and takes, wave after wave. Mouth opening wider, almost in surprise, she feels her whole body tensing and comes with a strangled cry.

Mary licks her lips, wipes her mouth and makes her way up to her lover, resting her head on her chest. She breathes in the calm of the room, feeling so full; of a genuine happiness, of pride, of love, of more desire. 

When Lilith seems to have recovered, she wraps her arms around Mary and holds her tightly against her. 

  * I love you. 



They look at each other, forehead to forehead, and smile. Lilith pulls Mary in for a kiss and whimpers in her mouth, tasting herself. After a while, she carefully flips them over, making Mary chuckle, and starts making her descent upon her body. 

  * Is this what you want too?



Lilith licks the skin under one of Mary’s boobs, and the woman whimpers. 

  * Hmmm, yes.



  
  


Lilith tastes Mary’s skin, every corner, teeths grazing over tender spots, trying to convey everything through her trembling lips. She feels… happy. And grateful, and lucky. She is scared still, but she pushes it down, with a more forceful kiss against the woman’s hip bone. 

_I have wanted this for so long_

Neither of them say it, but they can both feel it in every gesture. They have both yearned for this, for longer than months and even before they knew they wanted it, before they met. To feel like this, with another person, so _connected_. 

Mary sighs under Lilith’s touch. The moment is perfect, a beautiful, glorious perfect, and not like a fantasy, rather in the way simple instants of happiness are. Only more grand, more powerful, more everything. It could not have been with anyone else than her, Mary thinks, not like this. 

_In your arms is the only place I really want to let go,_

_You can let your hands wander, we both know that’s where they ought to be_

_I have been waiting for you_

_To unfold me_

_And I never even considered not letting you_

_And I never even considered not letting you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I get that top Mary might be a bit of a stretch, but I kind of like it? I hope it somewhat makes sense haha, don't hesitate to use the comment section to tell me what you thought of it (read: please, my insecure writer soul is hungry for validation)!


	3. I don’t want to play the savior (but oh how you make me want to save you)

20 minutes. It has been 20 minutes since Lilith woke up from a nightmare, and can’t seem to be able to shake it off. She paces through the room, pulls at her fingers, head spinning. She lies on the bed, spitting out short breaths, head empty. Head full. 

She could kick something, punch something, but she swallows back the feeling instead, and plunges her nails into her palm. Some tears stream down. She bites her lower lip, hard. She stops just before tasting blood; not that some part of her didn’t want to go on. 

All day, she felt it. She had been more irritable, on edge. Every little thing was an ordeal, made her more and more bitter, even if she decided to ignore it. She had managed to keep the wall up. But the night betrays her now, and every second she feels she might fall even deeper in this pit the moment is digging — that she is digging for herself — as she struggles to anchor to any thought, and at the same time lingers too much on every sour thought, until it all becomes this mushy mess, a full emptiness, nothing at all. She feels so small, so _nothing_. 

  * Mary?



The frail voice makes its way to Mary’s ears, who was sitting in her office, catching up on some grading. When she hears, it sends a wave of panic into her veins; she immediately knows something is wrong. She turns around and finds Lilith standing at the door, face eaten up by two gigantic blue pools of despair. She jumps out of her seat and steps closer, wrapping her arms around her in one single movement. 

  * I’m here. 



The demoness’ body seems to want to both melt into her touch and stay tense, as if she was ready to escape at any moment, in the way of someone who’s hardly known safety, Mary thinks. Maybe. She doesn’t understand everything, but she always tries to. 

  * I’m so sorry, I tried, but… 



Lilith’s voice is so weak Mary barely makes sense of her words. 

  * It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry, not with me, not for something like that… 



Lilith sniffles in the crook of Mary’s neck, her arms tightening around her in a desperate embrace. 

  * I just… I wasn’t feeling well but I thought I’d be fine, and I didn’t want to disturb you, I’m sorry… 



Mary tightens her arms around Lilith, as if she would slip away. She whispers, on the verge of tears herself. 

  * Don’t wait next time, darling. Please please please don’t… 



And she keeps on talking, keeps whispering the word, please, please, please, in the most soothing voice she can, not finding anything else to say, other than a few I love you sprinkled in between. She doesn’t know why she is saying please anymore, and maybe it’s not to Lilith, but to the Universe itself, begging it to give her lover the peace she deserves. 

  * Let’s move to the bedroom my love. Do you think you can walk? 



All of a sudden, and without even thinking about it, Mary comes back to her senses. The initial burning panic that was coursing in her veins is iced by logic, her only way to deal with the situation without falling apart too. 

  * I can. 



Lilith is now seemingly glued to her, having let go so much in Mary's arms that her weight is pressing unto the woman’s shoulders, making her feel like she is diving into the ground. Mary stops for a moment, moved by Lilith’s abandon. She wants to hold tighter, grip harder, but she loosens her embrace and slips a steady arm around her waist instead. 

  * Let’s go. 



Lilith walks, her pace slow and automatic, leaning on Mary. The woman feels like the First Woman would slip to the ground if she were to let go of her waist, even for a second. She only does when they reach the bed, guiding the woman down to sit on the edge of it. Mary looks at her lover’s face; her expression so unreadable it’s almost scary. She takes her hands in hers, and is surprised when the woman squeezes back, hard. 

Lilith stays sitting there for a second, clutching at the woman’s hands, seemingly too tired to move. 

  * Let’s lay down sweetheart. 



Mary doesn’t have to help her this time, since Lilith lays down on the bed herself, in one quick movement, her back to Mary. As soon as her head hits the pillow, Mary hears sniffling. And Mary expects her head to turn around, with pleading eyes, asking to be held, but she doesn’t wait for Lilith to do any of that; she lays down by her side, fitting her own body to the form of her lover’s, as close as possible. She brushes through her hair with her fingers, so she can nuzzle the back of her neck. 

  * I’m here. 



What else is there to say, but this? 

  * I love you. 



Mary whispers, her lips almost sealed to the skin. With one long inhale she closes the gates, refusing to let her own tears flow. She can’t make it about herself, and she shouldn’t add to Lilith’s sadness. She can cry later, when her lover has gone back to sleep. 

Next to her, Lilith cries and cries, to the point when she isn’t sure why she started. There is no clear explanation for the way she felt waking up this morning, already so brittle. But then her mind, some noxious part of it, took advantage of the breach and threw another one of those damn nightmares at her, which despite the years keep coming back. The images she saw; she can’t even put them into words. 

She hates those moments when the past comes crashing into her present — as happy, as serene as this present can be — forcing her to look at everything with a different eye. Her peaceful days, the new life she is building suddenly feels haunted, by truths of her past she thought buried deep; joys are fleeting, love is fragile, darkness waits around a corner, always. Memories, like fragments of glass sinking into her brain, pushing the “truths” in. She really hates those moments. She wonders if they will ever stop. 

  * You’ll be okay. 



Mary feels so useless, her words sounding so empty when she wishes to express so much. She says what she herself would want to hear; and she believes it, too. 

  * We’ll be okay. 



They may be generic, those formulas repeated by so many before her, but she feels them with her whole soul. There is so much more she could say, so much more she should say, she thinks, but she doesn’t know what or how. There are still all those other things, events from her past that Lilith is keeping to herself, which tumble down along with the tears, things that Mary doesn't know how to soothe; and now their presence is so heavy above them, thickening every instant of silence.

_I hate seeing you like this._

Mary tries to push away the thought, because she knows she can’t say it. She can’t make Lilith feel worse than she already does; she wouldn’t forgive herself. 

  * I love you. 



Mary runs her fingers through dark strands, slowly, twisting the tips around her fingers, letting it go with the same gentle touch, before burying her fingers into the mane again, nails scratching Lilith’s scalp slightly and emerging with yet another strand, that she smoothes down to the tip. It’s a good way for her not to cry, and she knows the demoness loves it. Her finger brushes the woman’s ear, and it makes Lilith shiver violently. 

  * Sorry. 



Lilith’s voice is steadier, despite the exhaustion dripping from it. 

  * You don’t have anything to be sorry for… 



Lilith nods — or maybe not, that’s just what Mary thinks she did. It’s far from the first time they exchange the exact same words; in fact, it has probably been a million times. Mary thinks that she should stop repeating that, every time, but she can’t help it; it’s the truth, and she wishes Lilith could hear it. 

Lilith sighs, and Mary tightens her embrace. There is a long moment where they don’t talk, and they both feel like they should; a silence both comfortable and full of anticipation. 

  * I don’t remember crying that much before. 



Upon first seeing Mary, a lot think she has a caring nature. After all, she is the shy, soft type, and a teacher on top of that, which should come with an ability, even an instinct to comfort. But she never had that. And now, as much as Lilith’s words awakes strong emotions within her, she can't find a single thing to answer. 

The woman shifts in her arms, turning to face her. Strangely, her eyes are still closed; almost as if she doesn’t want, or can’t look at Mary in the eyes. Her voice comes out in a desperate murmur. 

  * You make me feel so much… 
  * Is that a good thing?



The woman opens her eyes, still gleaming with restrained tears. 

  * Yes. I spent years not feeling enough. 



Mary smiles faintly, her hand coming up to cup Lilith’s cheek. 

  * You make me feel so many things too. 
  * Good ones?



Mary’s heart clenches in her chest. 

  * Of course, my love. 



She wraps her arms around Lilith once more, bringing her closer, and the demoness buries her face in Mary’s neck. There is a minute where Mary considers leaving it at that; because maybe now is not the time, after all of this, and she is scared of expressing her thoughts not clear enough for Lilith to understand, risking causing even more distress. Though with Lilith, Mary has this compulsive urge to be honest, always. Even the tiniest omission feels like a betrayal, and she can’t bear to betray her, even just a bit. 

  * Well… 



Her voice is sounding more hoarse all of a sudden, and Lilith pulls away slightly, looking into her eyes. When their glance meets, Mary wonders if she will even be able to finish her sentence. She takes a deep breath and goes on. 

  * Sometimes, when I think about us I feel sad, or anxious, but you know why?



Lilith, gaze incredibly serious, answers with an inquisitive hum. Mary reaches for her hands, as if holding them would help her convey her deepest, truest feelings. 

  * It’s because I care about you, about us, more than I’ve ever cared about anything. So, yes, sometimes, I’m afraid I’ll do the wrong thing, or I get insecure when things are not perfect, exactly like I want them to be. But it’s only… 



Lilith rushes on her lips, cutting her off with a rushed, yet sweet kiss. 

  * I love you. 



With the woman’s breath on her lips, feeling the words more than she really hears them, Mary smiles. Lilith does too, for a brief instant, before pulling away again. 

  * Do I show it enough?



Her eyes fill up with worry, but Mary does not hesitate, not even for a second. 

  * You do. 
  * Are you sure?
  * Yes. 



There is a finality to Mary’s tone, and Lilith, although not totally convinced, doesn’t dare push the question further. Still, Mary is not blind; quite the contrary, she _sees_ her.

  * You make me feel loved, every day of my life since I’m sharing it with you. You make me feel safe, stronger. You make me smile, you make me hope. Before you I… it’s not that I was unhappy. I just wasn’t _happy_. And the feelings I thought I had for other people, well… they don’t compare. 



The words just flowed out of Mary’s mouth, without the need to pause and analyze them. She knows Lilith wants to hear them, needs to even, but that is far from the only reason she says them. 

  * You’re my home, Lilith… 



The woman seems to contain a sob, or a laugh of astonishment, Mary is not sure. 

  * You’re my home too. 



They press their foreheads together, Mary tilting her head and slightly pushing forward to caress her nose against Lilith’s. They stay there for a moment, so close, in silence and in peace. 

Suddenly, Lilith moves back, turns around and sits on the edge of the bed. She breathes loudly, a low whine escaping her. The gesture is so abrupt it takes Mary a few seconds to react, and when she finally sits up next to her love, she jumps off and runs to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her in a hurry. 

  * Lilith? What’s wrong?



Soon standing at the door of the bathroom, Mary knocks softly, the same panic as she felt earlier starting to pile back up at the bottom of her throat. 

  * It’s okay, just… I’m okay. 



The uncertainty of Lilith’s tone is flagrant. What is clear, however, is that she wants to be left alone; though Mary doubts it is for the right reasons.

  * Are you sure you don’t want me to…


  * No, it’s fine, just go.



Now she sounds almost harsh, and Mary doesn’t know what else to say, how else to try to understand her. But she can’t leave, so she sinks to the ground next to the door, wrapping her arms around her knees. She feels so small in front of all this. 

After a few minutes — or is it a few seconds — of still silence, an irrational fear blossoms in Mary’s mind, and she can’t contain the word escaping her. 

  * Darling? 



She hears a faint sound behind the door, similar to a groan. Maybe Lilith didn’t hear her; she did whisper, at least she thinks she did. Maybe she didn’t even say the word at all. 

Mary stands up, but stays paralyzed with her hand on the doorknob. Should she be here for her, even when she doesn’t want her to be? Is that the right thing to do? Probably not, though she turns the doorknob anyway. To her surprise, it’s not even locked. 

  * Oh, Lili… 



The woman is sitting next to the toilet, face pale and sweaty, breathing heavily to control the waves of nausea shaking her, one after the other, merciless. 

  * No, don’t… Just leave, Mary, I’ll be fine. 
  * I can’t leave you like that. 



Mary sits next to Lilith, rubbing her back with her hand. She melts into Mary’s touch, tension seemingly leaving her body, before another wave rolls through her, and she dives her head down. Mary holds her hair when she throws up. 

  * It’s alright, you’ll be alright, you let it out… 



Lilith wipes her mouth and swallows the disgusting taste of her shame. Yet, even as every clear thought in her head screams to be left alone, she falls into Mary’s arms, her body awkwardly sprawled over her lover’s. She can feel the nauseas already starting to rise again. 

  * Mary, I… I don’t want you to see me like this… 



The tears come back, with perhaps even more despair, and again Mary doesn’t know what to do. 

  * Please, please, just go…



_I hate seeing you like this._

  * I’m not leaving you. 



She presses her face to Lilith’s hair, inhaling her scent. There is no way she can let her go through this, or anything, alone. She so wishes she could convince her, that she would believe it; she isn’t alone anymore. 

  * Let me be here for you darling. Please. 



Lilith doesn’t answer, but she stops protesting. Mary holds her, until another wave throws her forward. Again, Mary holds her hair, and murmurs words of comfort. Between each throbs, she takes her in her arms, cradling her almost, until the nausea seems to calm down for good. Even when Mary feels Lilith easing, she lets a whole minute pass before saying anything, counting the seconds. 

  * Did you eat anything today?



Lilith shakes her head. Mary knows she is walking on thin ice with this conversation, but she does it anyway. 

  * Is there anything you would eat right now?



She is so sure the woman will say no, and it seems she is considering it, for a second, before she changes her mind. 

  * An apple?



Lilith’s voice is pleading, in a heartbreaking sort of way. 

  * I’ll go grab you one. I’ll be back in a second. 



She gently helps the woman sit up. 

  * I’ll be back rig… 
  * It’s okay, Mary. I won’t be going anywhere. 



Lilith lets out a light chuckle, but the joke leaves a bittersweet taste in Mary’s mouth. She walks out of the bathroom, then as soon as she is out of Lilith’s sight, almost runs to the kitchen. She fills a tall glass with cold water and grabs a green apple, her love’s favourites, from the fruit basket on the counter. When she comes back, she finds Lilith in the exact same position she left her. 

  * Here. 



She hands her the food and drink, relieved to see Lilith taking a bite of the apple right away. She was afraid she might change her mind — she can be quite stubborn sometimes, even if she has her reasons. Mary, unsure what to do, sits down next to Lilith. The woman seems fine, for a bit, before she seems to swallow difficulty and she breathes out a long sigh, head falling forward. Mary’s hand finds her shoulder, squeezing it a bit. 

  * Breathe. 



Lilith inhales and exhales loudly a few times, before looking back at Mary and nodding. She can't bear to stare too long into those worried eyes, so she looks away. 

  * You know, I’ll probably have to spend the night here, you can go back to bed. 



She seems resigned to the idea, and Mary almost abides this time. But then it hits her, the picture of a distressed Lilith, nauseous and sad, sitting alone on the cold, hard tiles, as she slept in the other room; it doesn’t feel right. 

  * If you sleep here, I’ll stay with you. 



Lilith tries giving her a stern glance, but she can’t hold it up for very long. 

  * No, I don’t want you to.



Mary crawls closer to Lilith, almost laughing at the awkward setting of the moment; the cramped space of the bathroom, and the toilet just next to them. She takes Lilith’s face in both her hands, forcing her to look in her eyes. 

  * Well, I’d worry too much and I wouldn’t sleep a single second if I was alone in that bed, knowing you’re alone here. So you’re actually doing me a favour if you let me stay. 



Lilith chuckles faintly, and Mary believes she sees some tears gather in her eyes, before she blinks them away. 

  * I love you. 
  * I love you too. 



Mary smiles, running her thumb across her lover’s cheeks. 

  * Does this mean I can stay, then?



Lilith laughs frankly now, the sound coming out dry because of her sore throat. 

  * Yes, you can. 
  * Alright. Then I’ll be right back. 



She pulls away and leaves, much to Lilith’s surprise. She feels a faint warm on her face, reminiscence of Mary’s tender touch, and she leans unto that feeling before she comes back; which is quite a few minutes later. 

  * Sorry, they were on the highest shelf of the wardrobe.



She is carrying two blankets and a pillow, holding out one to Lilith. 

  * You didn’t have to… 
  * I know. 



Mary wraps the other blanket around her shoulders and sits next to Lilith, thigh to thigh, letting her head fall on her shoulder. 

  * I could have magicked up all of that.



The First woman sounds bitter, annoyed by her own vulnerability. 

  * No, it would have exhausted you even more than you are already. 



Mary rubs her hand across her back, and Lilith throws her head back slightly at the touch, breathing deep to feel it as deeply as she can; this relief that comes with any crumb of her lover’s attention, even when she feels at her worst. 

Mary lays a kiss on her cheek, startling Lilith who had her eyes closed. 

  * You take care of me with all those magic tricks all the time! My turn to take care of you… 



The demoness smirks, maybe for the first time with genuine amusement since all that happened tonight. 

  * I’d kiss you if I could. 



Mary chuckles, and Lilith melts into her arms, ending up with her head on her thighs, voluptuous dark hair spread out. The bathroom is big enough for her to lay down, legs half folded; she looks both tiny and awkwardly tall. Mary absentmindedly plays with her hair again, her eyes toying between her lover’s face and a spot on the wall in front of her. 

She doesn’t remember being like that with anyone; so gentle and patient. In fact, she has never been a patient person, but with Lilith it’s effortless. She really brings out the best parts of her. 

  * Mary? 



Lilith’s voice, with a slight childlike tone, shakes Mary out of her reflection. 

  * Yes?



Lilith looks up, with this intense gaze that won't ever stop taking Mary’s breath away. 

  * Don’t you think sometimes, that… 



Mary waits in silence for her to finish, running her thumb softly along her hairline. Lilith opens her mouth, closes it again, then closes her eyes. Her voice comes out choked, barely audible. 

  * That you’d be better off without me?



It takes a second for Mary to catch up on her meaning. 

  * No! Of course not. Baby, look at me. 



The demoness opens her eyes reluctantly, fighting back some more tears. 

  * Never. I never thought that. I don’t want a life that you’re not in, Lili. 



Mary takes the woman’s hand and brings it to her lips, kissing the back of it, then her palm, and one more press of her lips on her wrist, before looking at her face again. 

  * I’m staying right here, you hear me? I’m not going anywhere, not ever. 



The end of the sentence came out in a whisper, but Lilith heard it; and oh did she need to. 

  * I love you. 



The demoness closes her eyes again, just to relish the taste of the words. She doesn’t know what else to say, how to react to this avalanche of love. It might not seem much, but Mary knows. 

After a few minutes, she can feel Lilith falling asleep, but she suddenly has something to say; something that can’t be said tomorrow, or else the moment wouldn’t be quite right. 

  * Lili?
  * Hm?



She smoothes a strand of hair and strokes her cheek, an almost automatic gesture, to find in her the strength to speak those thoughts up. 

  * I know I can’t fix you, I know I shouldn’t ever think that. And, I swear, I’m not stupid, I don’t believe I can. I don’t believe I should try either, I know I shouldn’t, and I won’t, b-but… every fiber of my being wants to… 



Lilith looks up to her, already lost in a vague sleepy haze. She stares in silence, without the desire to do or say anything, just taking the words in, taking the love in. Her hand comes up to caress Mary’s face, clumsily. She isn’t crying, not really smiling either. Though on her features there is definitely something; peacefulness, maybe. 

After another minute, she is asleep. Mary should lay down too, but for now she stays there, staring at will. It’s a familiar setting, since she is used to waiting for Lilith to fall asleep before doing so herself. She likes doing that. 

_There is a silent promise hanging between us, always_

_Sacred, and melting_

_Into the cracks of your pretty facade_

_One by one, expanding, letting me in_

_Letting me see_

_The corners of light inside are not hard to find,_

_They glint and it’s blinding, beautiful and blinding_

_Me, who stays still not to scare the pain away_

_Because it hides in farther corners and I want to see_

_I want to see so I can press my palm against the wounds_

_Whisper a prayer through the skin_

_Hoping, simply hoping it will find its way_

_And with the tip of delicate fingers, I trace_

_Along the line that you drew_

_A long, thick barrier, that stops where you want me to,_

_For now_

_Part of the promise is us erasing lines, together_

_And draw our own_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo some more angst this time. I know this is a bit of a different chapter, but I really wanted to include a scene like this. I hope you liked it, and I would really like to know any thoughts you have about this in the comments!


End file.
